Rock, my friends, is the only thing left that still refuses to be predictable. In an age where even rebellion gets curated by algorithms, seeing people kick over the bucket with gusto is a genuine relief. And this week, we got a good dose of it.
Captain Kirk and the Shopping List from Hell
William Shatner, the immortal Captain Kirk, at 95 years young, decided to remind everyone that retirement is for the weak. Booked for Riot Fest, he didn’t just ask for a dressing room with mineral water and white towels. Nah, the man went further. The list of demands, or rider, that Roadie Crew disclosed and Consequence of Sound detailed, is an eccentricity masterpiece.
Eight pallets of Faygo soda. An intro video made by GWAR (yes, the metal band that looks like they crawled out of a B-movie space horror). And, get this, a litter of adoptable puppies. For what? Maybe for him to choose a new co-pilot for his imaginary spaceship. Or, as Loudwire suggested, just to prove he’s still the galaxy’s biggest troll.
It’s the kind of thing that would make 80s Van Halen — known for their absurd demands, like M&Ms without the brown ones — look like a collective of Benedictine nuns. Shatner, my dear, you are a national treasure. May the Force be with your adoptable puppies.
Gojira: From French to Brazilian, No Stops
While Shatner was busy showing that rock doesn’t need logic, Gojira proved that talent knows no borders. Drummer Mario Duplantier, a key piece of the French metal machine, ran into immigration issues and couldn’t travel for the US shows. What to do? Cancel? Never. Rolling Stone Brasil broke the news (and Revolver confirmed): enter Luigi Paraventi, a 21-year-old Brazilian drummer.
Twenty-one. Think about that. A kid who probably grew up watching Gojira videos on YouTube is suddenly on stage with one of the biggest metal bands on the planet. It’s the script of a 90s teen movie, but with blast beats and heavy guitars. That’s the beauty of rock: the ability to reinvent, to embrace the new, to give a chance to those with fire in their fingertips.
Robert Smith and the Halftime Show Nobody Asked For
To wrap up the week’s shenanigans, we have Robert Smith, The Cure’s eternally melancholic genius. He, who is already the inverse of anything “pop,” made it clear he’s not at all thrilled about the World Cup halftime show, which will feature Chris Martin, Madonna, Justin Bieber, Shakira, and BTS. NME reports Smith’s aversion, echoed by Stereogum.
And he’s damn right. The World Cup has already become a global circus of sponsorships and brands. Shoving a halftime show with this Russian salad of artists who, let’s be honest, have NOTHING to do with football (okay, maybe Shakira, but the others?) is just another nail in the coffin of spontaneity. It’s the corporatization of emotion, and Smith, the old guardian of darkness and authenticity, isn’t swallowing it. Neither am I.
Thank goodness we have a Shatner asking for puppies in his dressing room and a Brazilian drummer saving metal’s ass. Otherwise, what would become of us?